Grateful?

There comes a time and place where I get told on occasion where I should be grateful for what Abbie’s dad does for her and me. But…should I really be?

Let’s think about it.

I’m a single mom. Should I be grateful that I have to do this alone? (With the help of my mom because without her I’d be lost) Grateful that he actually visits…once a month…because most guys don’t do that with their kids? How about actually stepping up tho? I guess the bar of being a dad is set too low.

Grateful he gives me money each month? Okay yea I’ll give you that but what he gives is a fraction of what the state would make him pay. So again…. but really I am on this one because it does help me out each month.

Grateful he’s even in my daughters life? He’s there part time. I don’t know if this will confuse her more or make her think it’s okay it’s normal for dads to do this and when she finally meets a guy this same exact thing might happen to her? No. I’m definitely going to teach her that no it’s not normal but it’s our normal..sadly.

Incase anyone has forgotten the past, maybe you should go a few blogs back.

And before you ever tell me to be grateful for something I honestly don’t even have to be because trust me TRUST ME I grew up with no father around and no help from him so I get it that life without a dad is hard and sad, understand and put yourself in my shoes.

I feel like I preach about being in my shoes.

I don’t think you’d be grateful for having to work a full time job and then be mom so working at least 80 hours a week with maybe some sleep if you’re sick.

But I am grateful for people and things.

I’m grateful for my mom and my aunt and cousins who are there to help me.

I’m grateful for my job.

I’m grateful for diapers and wipes

I’m grateful for pizza and Dairy Queen

But grateful to have a boy come in and out of my daughters life to just confuse her (honestly I don’t even have to let her in his life legally) no. I don’t have to be. Even if other dads suck more oh well!

Rant over?

What Kind of Mom I Am VS. The Mom I Thought I Would Be…

When I was first pregnant and getting into to what kind of mom I thought I would be, I envisioned a mom that would never let her daughter do this that or the other. I thought I would be the mom that would only buy this certain brand of diapers and never this other brand. I was going to be that ‘crazy mom’

Examples!

I thought I would only use The Honest Company well EVERYTHING! But in reality, and my personal opinion, they kind of suck. I use Pampers Swaddlers because I fell in love with them! They have this wonderful line of yellow that turns blue when its ready for a changing because trust me being a mom you can forget even the obvious of things. I even gave Parents Choice a chance but they aren’t for me. (Even my mom was surprised I tried them)

Dreft is a wonderful and amazing thing…when on sale in bulk… since a year of having my child many other companies have come out with their version of baby laundry detergent and trust me there are CHEAPER options out there.

Food.. I was at first always scared to give my daughter certain foods but then I realized well she has teeth and she can USE THEM! Cheerios are our best friend (along with puffs) and GRAM CRACKERS!! Also the Gerber meals are amazing.. I can even down some mac and cheese from them!

Milk…. Okay… this one… I really had to part with… I never thought in a million years I would let my child have cows milk… I have heard nothing but horror stories… she does get some but the toddler drink is where we are trying to mostly be at. Needless to say she absolutely loves her organic milk!

I turned into the mom I never thought I would be in a million years and guess what? Its okay…

My baby is loved and happy and living life with her momma to the fullest.

This is the life of a working single mom just trying to get by in life one day at a time. IMG_1299

Actually no.

I decided to trash my last post.

Why give up something I love?

I absolutely love blogging.

I ran across something this morning and it’s really what I have been trying to say for the longest time.

Sorry about the language but it’s true.

In my situation it’s true….

Some might be mad about this but it’s time to wake up and face the reality of certain situations in my life and this is just one.

I know I’ve praised Abbie’s dad because well yes he does visit and yes he gives me a certain amount of money each month but when he visits it’s not for long and I don’t think a one year old cares about money. The money isn’t even a big deal. If he stopped I wouldn’t let him stop seeing her.

The point of the matter is that Abbie really isn’t growing up with her father. She just sees him occasionally.

I go above and beyond (try) for them to communicate. It’s mostly FaceTime. No where in this book of life says I have to do any of the things I’m doing and no where does it say he has to do the things he’s doing.

In the end, my main focus is Abbie. How Abbie’s life will be while she’s growing up and who needs to stay and who needs to leave.

Maybe one day certain people will realize.

The Weeks Ahead…

As Ed Sheeran says, “Loving can hurt” and its definitely sometimes.

This week is a big week, but not for me, for my daughter.

This week she gains a ‘bonus parent’ as her father is getting married this weekend.

Am I happy? Well of course I am happy, the more people to love her and care for her the better.

Am I sad or hurt? In a way but in a selfish kind of way.

I am happy for her father and future step mother and I do hope they have a wonderful happy marriage.

I am only human so there are still parts of me that hurt and that want to cry but there is also a part of me that knows I am over him, that I don’t love him, that I will be happy one day again like I was before.

But days like today I just put on a smile and go on with my life because in the end I have a lot to be grateful for.

One day at a time…

 

How to NOT Date a Single Mom

There are always articles on how to date a single mom or what dating a single mom really means but there not one (at least I have found) on how to NOT date a single mom.

Recently, I have been trying unsuccessfully to get back into the dating life but really I guess I am either not trying hard enough or trying too hard.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am open about everything upfront because I do not have time for games. Plain and simple.

Here is some tips on what NOT to do when trying to date a single mom or while dating:

  1. Ignore her. If you do not want to continue conversations just tell her whats up, she will understand and be thankful that you’re not wasting her time..
  2. Use her. Only if she says “please use me” DO NOT use her. You are lucky you even have some of her time.
  3. Talk down to her. First of all, shes looking for an adult so be an adult
  4. Ignore her kids. Shes looking (at least me) for a relationship to turn into marriage and her kids are coming into that marriage do not ignore the fact she has kids.
  5. Not trust her. She is probably spending her free time thats not being spent with you taking care of her kids or sleeping. What else could she be doing?? More like what are you doing.
  6. Make her pay on the first date.
  7. Ask for sex on the first date
  8. Not be understanding about certain situations.

Honestly I could go on and on about this but these are basic and self explanatory ones. I might be just a tad scorned at the moment.

Time heals all wounds? ha.

I’m Only Human…

As humans, we make mistakes. We try to do the right things and sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail. 

I’m only human. 

But realize what I’m saying. I’m a human. I’m a person. With emotions. With feelings. 

I made mistakes on how I handled a few things yes. But I’ve tried to fix them. One thing that I’ve tried to fix is the friendship that I once had with the daughters father. A new thing I’m trying to do is become friends with his fiancée. 

Most people don’t understand that by accepting these things and dealing with them that I have to realize that he didn’t want that family life with me yet we have a child. It hurts yes. It kills me a little inside yes. Because at a time me and him loved each other and I never thought this would happen. 

I’ve learned that it takes a strong person to accept this life. To go on like everything is okay while deep down inside I’m crying and hurting asking God why. But only He knows why. 

A year ago I was trying to accept my life as a single mom…knowing that I was about to go through this journey with only me, Abbie, and my mom (because she’s been my biggest supporter and helper). I don’t know what I would do if I was alone. I was trying to accept something so scary yet so amazing. I was never so happy yet depressed. 

One day I’ll find out the reason of why my life is headed this way but from last year to now things have gotten better. 

I have stability in a career path. I am about to have a one year old. I’ve become (trying) more accepting of the situation before me. 

It’s hard and doesn’t happen over night but I know one day I’ll get there with the help of Abbie. 

This weekend my little girl turns 1. ONE! Gah. I’m about to be water works.  She’s got teeth, she’s got sas, she’s got her mommas and her daddies looks. 

What’s It Like Growing Up Fatherless. 

I grew up without my father being around. It was so weird to me to see dads around. 

It was interesting. It got lonely. It got sad. 

I always had so many questions like what does he look like, what’s his name, where is he. 

And then once I got older my questions were why didn’t he come find me. Why did he let me grow up fatherless knowing I was out there. 

I had to wait till it was freshman year of college to get to meet him. The first Christmas I spent without my precious grandmother because she had died that same year I spent with him. 

I never really knew how much it really affected me till I got pregnant. I realized that I wanted her to have her parents. I didn’t want her to not know her dad. Because I didn’t want her to feel that pain. 

Sadly. Things don’t end up the way you want them to go. 

Like my mother, I’m a single mom. But at least he visits unlike what my dad did. And he was there for her birth unlike my dad. 

But it brought emotions I never knew I had against my father. I didn’t want her to feel the way I did growing up. 

He decided to raise someone else’s daughter. He decided to have a life away from me. 

And you know it makes me a stronger mom today growing up with a single mom. 

You’re never truly forced into something because you made the choices to get to where you are. Then you just simply make excuses 

I’ll never understand certain things in this world  

I’ve cried many tears and still do from time to time but my daughter will always be loved by me and my mom 

I officially have an 11 month old! Time is flying.